he got out of his car and gave me a side hug.
i was relieved he did so, because if not, i probably would have waved to him like a dorky middle school student would to her crush during passing period. i was also relieved it wasn't a full on hug, because i smoked three cigarettes prior to seeing him. i was nervous and thought lingering smells of cigarettes would be a tell tale sign of nervousness.
i'm nervous? this is something i haven't felt in awhile.
is nervous good or bad? i'll have to ponder over such later.
excited to eat?
yes, always! i tried to sound enthusiastic, but it sounded more sarcastic than i had hoped. stop trying, talk normal.
are you hungry?
yes, always. this time it sounded sincere because it was true.
good. you said you were allergic to seafood right? there's this really good spot i just tried. i wanted to take you, but i don't want you to die.
i appreciate your thoughtfulness. surprised, that he remembered something i briefly mentioned before. relieved, because if he had taken me to get seafood, i probably would've taken my chances on life and eaten whatever was placed before me. i wouldn't want to ruin something he planned.
so, where are we going?
well there are three places i have in mind. choose: 1, 2, or 3.
you can choose! i'm awful at making up my mind, and three options? this feels like it could be a life altering decision.
life altering? it's not that serious.
it potentially could be.. i'm allergic to many things. i may end up dying even with your precautions. worse comes to worst, i have an epipen in my purse. just stab me with it, i'm giving you permission now. "just stab me with it, i'm giving you permission now." ha! that's what she said! christine, you're so crass. must resist all urges to quote michael scott tonight.
what! i have no idea how an epipen works.
tough luck, champ. you're now responsible for my life.
laughs. that's a lot to put on my plate.
i like having a lot on my plate.. in reference to food and sometimes life.
so you're allergic to a lot of things and you want to feast. alright then, let's get mexican food! no one's allergic to mexican food right?
mexican foods my favorite! no, second favorite. third favorite? no, tied with thai as my second favorite.. actuuuually. alright, forget it. moral of the story: christine is fickle. mediterranean, mexican/thai. thai/mexican?
laughs. i like how you refer to yourself in third person.
well i like... i had a hard time finishing that sentence although there were many things i already liked about him. christine, you don't want to sound too assertive. wow, i really do refer to myself a lot in third person.
... mexican food. you like mexican food. tied with thai for second.
yes! mexican food! relieved that he finished my sentence, because i had no idea how i would have ended my sentence in both a neutral and unsuggestive manner. "i like how you keep a tidy car"? that would have been harmless. there's this place i love, it's really authentic. i tried to keep a straight face. maybe you've heard of it? el pollo? el pollo loco?
what? laughs.
i couldn't tell if it was a nervous laugh. he can't think i'm serious, right?
nah, this other spot. taco. del taco.
oh, i've been there before! you're right. authentic. relieved, half because he's witty and the other half because he caught on that i was kidding.
i sat back in the passengers side and smiled.
i'm just kidding, we'll go to del taco another time if you really want. i think you'll like this place though. they have a really spicy salsa.
i can't eat spicy foods! they give me bloody noses.
are you serious? i didn't even know that could happen.
laughs. well now you know!
for a long time, i was comfortable with my circumstances.
i deserved to be comfortable. i worked hard to get to where i was.
the getting to know me, the getting to know you.
there was nothing left that needed explaining.
comfort was no longer comfort, just familiarity and consistency,
but that deviation of comfort was comforting more or less.
what else can't you eat?
peanuts, kiwis, honeydew, melons, pineapples, honey, red meat, and dairy products. oh and citrus juices make me feel sick. i hate that i'm fragile.
shakes head. i thought seafood allergies was bad. but no dairy? so no cheese or ice cream?
i love cheese and ice cream! i usually carry lactaid with me, just in case cravings strike. but truthfully, even if i didn't have lactaid, i'd eat dairy products anyways. worth it.
bold.
laughs.
i tried to stay comfortable for as long as possible,
i clung onto what made me feel secure,
but time left gaps that made for unsteady grounds.
i was preventing myself from moving forward with the rhythm of things.
comfortability is a disease. you hit a state of comatose, with no hopes of things getting better. i didn't even realize i had a say in the healing matter until i sought after treatment. treatment, with respect to comfortability as an illness, is change. when people are comfortable, they don't look for change, and when change inevitably happens, they have a hard time acknowledging and accepting it. so yes, comfortability is a lively disease, despite its sometimes dormant and benign nature at infancy.
sooo.. you just graduated. any plans?
for a moment i forgot i was with another. fuck, how long was i quiet for?
i'm kinda just moving forward.. with the rhythm of things.
i need to start being more present in real life.
are you allergic to anything?