social media
i hate it
it allows people to see more, but experience less of the real world.
users are so captivated by what they see behind screens.
that ice cream looks so good!
she looks so happy eating it!
the audiences are unaware of everything else that was happening then.. the "having to wait in line behind an irritated mother and crying baby to pay for overpriced ice cream that really wasn't that good." that would put a damper on the staged, perfect moment huh? people live for those types of moments, where things seem perfect. social media so well captures the idea that perfect is such a thing that exists.
filter this, edit that, crop this, caption that.
we've become a generation, bred to be idealists.
myself, guilty.
social media
i love it
it allows me to recreate an essence for myself
making myself out to be someone I’m completely not
a premeditated, very intentionally orchestrated version of myself
lets do this, it’d be a hip place to go so i can take pictures and choose one of the fifty to show off how adventurous i am and how trendy i can be.
reality: in bed, watching netflix, eating pretzels and nutella.
social media
i hate it
its sickening that i feel like i should do certain things to influence the way people perceive me
the majority of people may use social media to document stuff light heartedly
but me, I’ve always been hyperaware of other's opinions
of which, always seem to subconsciously matter
i know i'm not alone in these inclinations
hate: 2, love: 1
social media is sometimes the devil
//
the way people perceive me holds no substantial value
it won't benefit or harm me in any way,
if i don't choose to let it.
plus perception isn't always accurate
and assumptions are nothing more than
strummed up thoughts that hold no grounds.
if i let these supposed takes of me control my strings,
i become a puppet with no pull.
henceforth, lifeless.
judgement is not a lingering thought,
it's a wasted matter of seconds.
the fact that their thoughts linger in my mind,
and sometimes dominate my thoughts, actions, and intentions,
comes to show that
i am a byproduct of my social contexts
i am molded by the figurative hands of others
although i may be but a puppet
a mere instrument for the entertainment of others
to mock, admire, or disregard,
i put on a damn good show
//
are people capable of feeling closeness or attachment to things or other people just because theres a constant and consistent response? example, if i moved somewhere and the only person i knew or saw consistently was the mailman.. and we only exchanged a few words out of politeness, but we did so daily, would i consider myself close with him? because "closeness" is a relative term and its definition is subjective. how is closeness measured? it's not so much who you can relate to or understand anymore, because let's be honest, most of the times the people we consider “close friends” are just people who have been constant figures in our lives for awhile.. so is this feeling of emotional devotion based on physical nearness or conversational attentiveness? is closeness heightened when alone? when you hold onto what you have and if you had nothing prior, even a little will seem like a lot.
//
i've heard that girls always need attention. i've heard that girls, when in large groups, become annoyed or uncomfortable when there are moments or conversations that they can’t relate or add to. that they always need that one plug to feel connected.. which in retrospect, i do agree with. but i feel it's not so much that they need attention, it's more so that they don’t want to be the only outlier. “what’s wrong with me, why can’t i relate?” is a feeing of inferiority and it stirs up insecurities that most people face. “is there something I’m missing? am i not good enough? am i not normal? am i going about life the wrong way? why is it that i’m not included?” so people don’t need added efforts of others, they just don’t want subtracted views of themselves.. if that makes sense. they wouldn't care if they weren’t getting attention if they felt like no one else was getting attention either. if you put a group of strangers together and no one was talking to anyone, no more attention for one over another, they’re not uncomfortable in the situation. for instance, on a bus, if no one was talking, it wouldn’t be weird.. it would normal. so, social context is everything. life is all about comparisons. everything is about winning or losing. no one wants to be worse than the person next to them.. and it sucks because i feel like life sets people out to fail. there is nothing anyone is ever going to be the ABSOLUTE best at, you know? and that leaves for people to feel awful about themselves. but that also leaves space for people to feel motivated.. use the fear of losing to be the driving force towards a success that will never be achieved. my new life mantra is, “you don’t have to be the best, but know you’ll never be the worst.”
//
he said,
need for attention is always attached to a social or situational context to me
i said,
not me. even when i am physically with a group of people, i choose to be by myself or keep to myself. this way, there’s no opportunity to feel like an outlier because i consider myself a whole. the thoughts i have in my mind make up for the lack of reciprocal conversation. when i laugh, the entire group follows my humor. group as in my mind and its many facets. there is no need to be anyone but myself if there is no chance for judgement, or fear of it. anyways. maybe i'm just saying all this to convince myself that i'm not scared of people.
//
i have a hard time filtering my thoughts when i find someone i'm comfortable with.
when i do find that one person, i'm like hey can i move into that tiny vacant spot in your heart? and with high hopes of them saying yes (and allowing at least temporary residency until i find another place to stay), they help me unpack. then they come to find that my baggage is just stockpiles of stored up thoughts and boxes of worries. and then i'm kind of like, "oops, sorry. should i leave?"
//
i hate being happy
happiness to me feels more like complacency. being okay with how things are and not wanting to challenge myself to be even happier. so I’m never happy, nor am i ever sad. i guess i just always want more, i just need to figure out what it is that i want more of.
//
every time i think things i feel like I’m opening doors in my mind that let me pass go and slowly advance to nirvana