the seven words that changed my life

"no one asked you to play hero."

i frequently revisit this moment, when he hit me with those seven words.

(now some context, to frame the significance of that sentence in my life)

i worked late the night before, having taken an aggressive deadline seriously. those in startups know that phrases like, "we need this done by tomorrow," hold wavering levels of finality; after all, most things needed to be done "yesterday." regardless, i took what i was told at face value.

as a young professional who held no merit to her name, i felt output and character were the only two things i could be measured on. i didn't have a long list of experience or a prestigious degree to prove that i was capable. all i had was unwavering determination and an obligation to a deadline.

i was eager to "move the needle" and "drive results." i was hungry and wanted my boss to be able to count on me to "get shit done."

the next morning, we huddled as a team and did our usual sync. when it was my turn to share, i turned to my boss, with bright eyes and dark circles, to let him know that the assignment was live. i didn't mention it, but i did even more than what was required of me. i worked early into the AM with our remote team to complete things that weren't part of the original scope but would improve the outcome of the project. i thought he'd acknowledge that, but instead, scoffed and shook his head.

"no one asked you to play hero."

i was shocked. i didn't understand what he meant by that. i did what he asked of me but felt like i was being reprimanded for it. the rest of the meeting was a blur. i was tired. i was confused. i couldn't make sense of why he seemed put off by what i felt was an achievement.

following the meeting, i found my way to the bathroom. i held back tears until i found safety in the corner of a stall. i was overwhelmed with disappointment and felt ashamed, as if i had done something wrong.

shortly after what felt like a long morning, i found out that he didn't get around to completing his portion of the assignment. the fact that my work was live no longer mattered--it was an incomplete project.

then it made sense. in the presence of his shortcomings, putting me down in front of others did a fair job at saving face for him.

what manifested as disappointment slowly shifted to understanding and forgiveness. there were many things that i felt towards him then, but it pales in comparison to the affect that it's had on me.

i look back at that moment and find it to be the most defining moment of my early twenties. those seven words changed my life forever.

"no one asked you to play hero."

i had never in my life felt like i had what it took to play "hero" in a narrative. in fact, i was no stranger to playing victim and often suited up willingly. it is, after all, a natural response to look for ways to hide when you sense danger. assuming helplessness required no effort at all.

from those seven words, i've learned that playing a hero in any narrative simply requires a matter of conviction. because of those seven words, i suit up and am ready to fight the good fight every single day.