i was in a room full of people,
both familiar and new,
but all i saw was you.
i laughed to myself because you always told me,
"you see what you want."
i felt like this was the making of an inside joke.
"you must've really wanted me, huh?" i figured you'd say,
in a goofy, self-righteous manner.
but as i walked towards you,
i realized i didn't recognize your face.
i couldn't read your expression.
i approached, apprehensively.
i hoped i would know what to say, what to do,
once i got to you.
hi there
nothing.
can you hear me?
nothing.
i panicked.
had i let you hibernate for so long,
that i was no longer able to wake you up?
i held out my hand.
nothing.
i tangled my fingers in yours
nothing.
i squeezed my hands,
nothing.
still nothing.
my insides collapsed,
my outsides froze;
how could i fight with an unresponsive creature?
how could i fight for an unresponsive creature?
we've always connected on touch,
and a part of me expected us to sync again.
we've always paired on a hidden network,
seen, only by us.
compatible, only to us.
waves of sentiment flooded me,
transposing into an emotion i didn't recognize.
i was comforted by the thought of a presence,
despite the lack of truer existence.
i thought of how "love" became "loved,"
how "always" became "used to's."
how despite the fact that it'd been awhile,
the essence of time held no bearings.
i knew there was something at the end of the other line,
even if it was just faint beeping.
i believed if i sent out a signal,
you would receive.
you held out your hand,
slowly.
you tangled my fingers in mine,
slowly.
you squeezed my hand,
slowly.
tightly.
you held on.
all thoughts i had trouble registering,
downloaded.
a processor of unverbalized words,
installed.
we knew.
wait for me here.
i'll be here so long as you want.
to living in the past and the present.
to living in the past til the future.
my mind refused to return,
but my body rolled over,
instinctively turning off my sirening alarms,
reminding me that despite how real it felt,
we would never be that way again.
