i've been stuck in a stagnant phase in life for the past few months. when there's shit that needs to be done, you learn a lot about yourself. you either realize that you're capable of more than you thought you could handle, or you realize that you aren't confident in the route you've chosen to follow. as of now, i should be applying for my masters, but i'm kinda just chilling, using, "i need to figure myself out" as an excuse for my apathy. i'm tired of school. i've always hated school. i should get a hold of myself, but i can't seem to wrap my mind around the reality of where i'm at in life. now is the time for me to figure out who i want to be, what i want to do, and where i want to end up.. i can't be indecisive anymore. if i don't learn to commit to something and stick with it, i'm never going to get anywhere. it's not hard for me to start out strong. i'll bulldoze my way through the first half of a course, then i sorta just die down and walk back to first base cause i forget where i was headed.
here are potential list of things i could do with myself in the next year:
1. become a flair bartender. because i love drinks and if all else fails, i can join the circus.
2. make a youtube channel, where i document exaggerated clips of my emotions.. or i'll make videos of me eating.. because i'm pretty sure that's all i'm good at. actually, i'm excellent at eating! i need to stop selling myself short.
3. work in primary education, either pre-k, k, or a teacher's assistant. i'll have my degree in child and adolescent studies so i should probably do something with it. i'll have a degree in advertising as well, but i still don't know what i'd do with that.
4. teach abroad.. but i sense a long, tedious road filled with allergic reactions for this option. i'm half certain i'm allergic to people, places, and things.. but maybe i'll meet people who will change my life.
5. become a secretary and secretly work on a novel in the office. the idea of being behind a desk in an air conditioned room handling basic jobs seems pretty enticing. plus, it could be the plot of my story. a lowly secretary with a deep dark secret. ha.
6. start doing art again. i don't think i'd get anywhere with that. but i'd be happy.
7. become a comedian. i probably wouldn't be that funny, but neither is ray romano. i take pride in the fact that we both have that eeyore vibe, but we can be witty with words.
8. move to china and just pick rice in the rice paddies. i don't know. i had a dream of this once and it seemed therapeutic. i'd only pick rice in moderately warm temperatures though. too cold, pass. too hot, hard pass.
9. find something to beat in the guinness book of world records.. maybe short lived fame will bring me eternal glory. maybe longest time spent in bed or most krispy kremes donuts eaten. clearly, i'm a woman with conviction.
10. get my shit together and study for my cbest and cset tests so i can be a graduate student and have an excuse to live at home for another few years without feeling like a free loading bum.
so yep, that's where i'm at in life. it's crazy realizing that in a year, all of this will probably be irrelevant. a year isn't too far away. i remember high school like it was yesterday. not the people, the faces, or the names per se.. but i remember the feelings. they're still very the same.
