watching reruns of the office has always been part of my before bedtime ritual. i finally got back around to finishing the series again, and i feel like every time i do, my understandings of the characters change or grow. as usual, jim and pam are the two characters that toy with my heart strings the most. i used to dream of having that sort of relationship-- being in love with your soul mate, while maintaining a functional lover/friend dual relationship. ahh, there's always more than just meets the outsider's eyes.
the second time around, our relationship has pretty much been just that. i can't count how many times i've heard "you guys are so cute", "you're so perfect together", or "i'm so jealous of you two" this past year. to the ones who know us, see us, or hear about us, our relationship seems effortless. this half flatters me, and half upsets me. it's satisfying knowing we can trick people into seeing only the good in us, but all the while, we haul ass to put in work for the show to go on. the forgiveness we give each other, the forgetfulness we pretend to have, in order to move on from harbored hurts, is mountains high and oceans deep. it's an on going battle, for two entities to be selflessly one. i wholly believe that humans are innately selfish. we want what's best for us, what hurts the least, what promises the most security, and so on so forth. i guess being in love means being able to defy human nature against all odds of initial selfish intention. if someone can bring out the worst in you, they mean something to you. if they stick around and love you regardless, you mean everything to them.
remember, nothing worth having comes easy.