battles of the self

"are you in a hurry?"

i am asked that question nearly daily. it's as if "anxious" is tattooed on my forehead and worry is all that comes out of my mouth. i'm conscious of my social anxiety, which makes it progressively worse. after confiding in my sister about feelings of isolation, she concluded that i wouldn't be satisfied, even with inclusion. "how do you think people make friends? they go out. they meet people. then, they make friends. they put forth the effort to include themselves." after thinking about that proposition, i started pitting at the core of my insecurity. i hate going out. i hate meeting people. i hate the "getting to know you" part of friendship. my anxiety is largely a result of my preconceived assumption that people are as judgmental as i am. faulty! christine, don't wait on the world to come to you. go to the party before it's too late, everyone's gone, and all that there is left for you to do is clean the mess they've made. but i like cleaning..