gatekeeper

"You play your part painting in a new start, but each gate will open another." Feist

There is no space left in the back of my mind for me to shove my unwanted thoughts and worries to. Doubts and insecurities have bound me to an eternity of wishful thinking, guilt, and uncertainty. I need to find the key to release myself from all the chains that have accumulated, rusted, and stained my already weary heart.


It's hard letting go of baggage that's been strapped on, for longer than I can remember. The weight is holding me down, slowing me down. My feet have become buried in a pile of unresolved problems and scraps of distant memories. My past follows like a never ending shadow on a hot summer day. I keep telling myself that there's only so far I can travel, before I become stuck in a bottomless pit of subconscious hindrances. My journeys thus far have led me to dead ends, but I vow to venture onward.


I've allowed myself to indulge in a flood of self pity and fear for too long. I'm tired of being in a sick state of mind. I'm tired of trying to be in control of things that I cannot even begin to grasp the idea of. I'm tired of trying to rewrite my past as my future. I'm tired of having a heavy heart, but not having enough strength to carry it around. I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of holding onto bitterness towards insignificant people. I'm tired of replaying the same scenes in my mind, wishing that I could have or would have done something different. I'm just tired of being tired.

Whatever it takes to become whole again, I'm up for it.
I'm ready to be new again.