rosebud

a combination of being tired and hungry snowballed into a debacle.
we sat quietly at the dinner table, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

he fidgeted with his napkin, a telltale sign that he was uncomfortable.
i drank my beer as quickly as i could, a telltale sign of nothing.
i like my beer cold.

is this a bad sign? that we aren't good at being uncomfortable together? 
it could be.

i didn't know whether i should defend the truth or a lie.

there had been many instances in the relationship where i pondered similar questions-- "will this lead to that? does this actually mean that? why does this happen when that happens?"-- only to quickly shoo those thoughts away. i didn't want to look for indicators of failure in the relationship.

i wanted to be blindly in it, wholly in it.

i find that often in love, you have to turn a blind eye to a lot of the little things that you tell yourself don't matter. most of the times, your inclinations are right. they don't matter. but there is a chance that your willing ignorance will get the best of you, despite you knowing full-well, all along that.. well, it was coming for you and it'd catch up to you.

whether or not i'll let it get the best of me is a matter of the heart.
whether or not i'll pretend to not know better is a matter of my mind.