certainty

feelings> thoughts> actions.

of the three, feelings are the most genuine. you can't help the way you feel. you shouldn't blame yourself for feeling a certain way, even if it is misguided. the consequences of misunderstandings come alive when two individuals are not committed to working out their differences. feelings, such as insufficiency, frustration, and despair, ultimately lead to thoughts. the way you think is the driving force that determines how you choose to retaliate, or cooperate, with such feelings. the way a mind can manipulate a body is in my personal belief, any human beings' most dominant vulnerability. the mind is a weapon that should be used with caution.

this is why i constantly remind myself not to take my thoughts too seriously. thoughts, like winds, come and go as they please. there are stormy winds, calm winds, cool winds, spotty winds. similarly, my thoughts are just as unpredictable, unstable, and unjustified. "i think i'm happy" or "i think i'm sad", are usually byproducts of feelings. i must figure out how i feel, before i try reasoning with my thoughts. feelings and thoughts are seemingly intertwined, but they're not just as much as they are. learning to differentiate between the two have helped me cope with my insanity. i have promised myself a reason for everything, a way to control everything, and a way to take charge of my mind.

i guess what i personally hope for this year is to stay true to myself. i am extremely honest and loyal to everyone other than myself. my natural knack for negotiating, compromising, and understanding beyond appropriate measures gets in the way of my instinct. thanks to my libran tendencies, i sincerely care about others as much as i do for myself. more and more, i find that people take advantage of me because of my empathy. i take on their hurt as my own, but i don't have a secure and vacant outlet to turn to in need. how fucking depressing it is to realize that as a good person, i can't find other good people to be surrounded by. my mental and emotional well-being have decayed to the point of uselessness. pitiful.

i need to preserve what is left of me, so that when the time comes, i can spend it on the people who understand. be patient, they're out there.