lessons learned

i'm a libra, so that means i'm naturally inclined to loving being in love.
just kidding. half kidding.
i'm not kidding.

so after being (self proclaimed), in love, so many times, and finding nothing but dead ends and awkward tension between myself and my once soul mate.. i've decided that i don't care about being in love anymore. (don't jump to conclusions, i'll explain.)

i just want to be happy
and as simple and vague as that sounds, it is, in it's entirety, all that i want.

instead of worrying about whether or not my lover will be there in the morning when i call, or if he will love me today as much as he loved me the first day we fell in love, i should just worry about MYSELF and MY emotions. i just want to be happy.

i've been stuck in some sort of nonsense mindset that "not being happy, just not being sad" is okay. and that is bullshit. i have every right to be happy, and i know for damn sure i can love myself more than anyone else can love me. so instead of focusing on the hurt and the betrayal echoing in the darkest chambers of my heart, i realize that i need to forgive and forget. i need to grow up.

"there really isn't any point being bitter about the past because nothing is going to change. what happened was supposed to happen. what happened HAS happened so get over it. no one is going to feel bad for you. no one can make you better but yourself. you need to be happy. you must be happy for a change. and you WILL do whatever it takes to get to where you want to be." (you as in i)

i'm great at lying,
i do it to myself often.
CMDZOU

*smitten kitten