shouting whispers

3 things i want to say to 3 people

i thought i would never say this, but i miss you so much. i miss you nagging me, i miss you driving me insane, i miss your horrible home cooked dinners. it's true, a girl really needs her mom, and it's also true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, cause i've been crying the past week because no one tucks me in or gives me goodnight kisses. i'm never going to be too old for goodnight kisses, ever! i can't wait til you're home again.

you deserve so much better. i am a concoction of madness and insecurities. i wish i could love you whole heartedly, but i can't seem to find the pieces of what's left of me to put back together. i wish i could better myself for you, but i can't seem to better myself for me. i wish with everything in my being, that you aren't what i've had. please understand that i don't want to be like this. i want to be comfortable with you, i want to be myself with you, but i'm too afraid i'm not pretty enough for you, good enough for you, strong enough for you. please, please, please try to understand.

you really fucked up the whole concept of love and promises for me, you know that? just because you got hurt doesn't mean i deserved to get hurt too. my mentality was pure-- you wouldn't want to inflict the pain you suffered personally upon anyone else, especially not anyone else you love(d). but i guess my mentality backfired, and i just ended up becoming the first victim of your conniving plots to avenge against womankind. because of you, i'm too scared to commit, too prideful to let my guard down, and too hurt to even think about wanting to try to love again. of all the people i've ever met in my life, i can honestly say, you're the only one i could've been without.