i don't, but i don't think anyone feels ready for things they can't anticipate.
true. well, what comes up for you when imagining what life might be like?
i stared blankly at her.
if i submitted to my default, i'd make up something on the spot:
scenario A with tangibles that lead up to the fact,
scenario B with different tangibles that paint a different picture.
i could yap endlessly about superficial scenarios,
but that wouldn't take me to where i wanted to go.
so instead, i chose to be honest and i led with such.
to be honest, i have no idea what life might be like.
i don't think i've even tried to imagine what life might look like.
why do you think that is?
mostly because i haven't tried to. i wouldn't know where to start.
i think part of me feels threatened by the reality of it all, so i don't want to face it until i have to. and the other part of me acknowledges that it's out of my control regardless, so i don't have it in me to prepare for the infinite possibilities of what might be. it feels like a futile effort.
and as i'm talking about this out loud,
i'm happy that i don't know what's going to happen,
and relieved that i don't feel the need to figure it out now,
and proud of myself for kinda being okay with it all.
for a long time, i've felt trapped in a version of me that doesn't serve me:
rigid, imbalanced, and unyielding to the possibility that i might be something greater than i could even imagine.
i'm ready for a future where i'm not that anymore.
i'm excited for a life where i'm willing to submit to the process of it all.
i'm excited for a life where i'm willing to submit to the process of it all.
all in due time.
ah yes, all in due time :)