catharis

i'm going to attempt to gut out the core of what i think is a much needed reality check. it's been a while since i've been transparent with myself.

#1. i'm heavily addicted to blame. when things go wrong, i find someone to hold accountable for my misfortune. i hold grudges til death do me part and use that oath as an excuse for life, love, and everything in between.

#2. i have an insatiable appetite to be happy, which translates to always being unhappy. unhappy when i don't get what i want, and unhappy when i do. i see it as climbing ladders that don't lead to heaven. i've gotten close.

#3. the nard dog* once said, "i wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them." i'm nearly comatose from the lack of being present. the problem isn't in the doing, it's in the being.

i thought of them as "quirks", before realizing quirk is just a nicer way of saying bad habit. therefore, i need to stop being so irresponsible, so selfish, and so ignorant. growing up isn't so bad when you know how to.