fickle

a few seasons back, i went hiking at a trail that required me to pull myself up a rope against the  flow of a waterfall. the exploration would end with a beautiful view of the mountain top, which i was told, was worth seeing. 

i began my difficult journey upward, slowly, reaching for what seemed to be the heavens. my knuckles went white, my hands went numb, and so i stopped. for a moment, i couldn't remember what i was holding on so tightly for. i lingered. my body slammed against the rocks, the water rushed relentlessly, my eyes were forced shut. i couldn't decide if my halfway up was worth letting go of, or if my halfway to go was worth forcing myself to the point of exhaustion.

i couldn't make up my mind. at this point, the cuts and scrapes, the surge of freezing water, and the anxiety of not knowing what'd happen next was insignificant. i was so comfortable right where i was. stuck. i didn't care what happened next. i was just happy knowing i had the power to hold on, with my own two hands, for however long i wanted to hold on for. 

what i didn't realize at the time is that i also had the power to let go.

i could've let go.. i'm glad i didn't.