simplicity

READERS DISCLAIMER: This is one of my many old drafted posts, that I've decided to publish, just to remind myself once in awhile just how far I've come.

"knowing is growing"
and simply, that is the story of my life.

"What more can I possibly give to you? I've made myself a stepping stone for you-- stooping to my lowest lows to help you get to your highest highs. I've tackled obstacles, quite willingly, to try to earn a spot in your heart. My faults are spewing out of my system, and as a result, I hate myself. I hate myself for not being good enough for you." -CMD; jan. 26, 2009.

I was ignorant as to what was clearly presented in front of me for years, yet I chose to look the other way-- realizing just how much it hurts to simply "grow" out of it and "grow" up. But like they say, you can't avoid your fate, and eventually i had to handle my fears face on, and it broke me down. It really destroyed me. I wasn't Christine anymore. I momentarily lost touch with reality, and lost a part of me that I will never have back.

So with my momentary lapse of misjudgment, I punished myself. Everything was my fault, everything could've been better if only i was better. My body progressed, but my mind regressed. No matter how hard I tried to put a bandage over a wound that clearly wouldn't heal without the right precautions, I couldn't help but to cut myself deeper. I was obsessed with my imperfections. I wasn't good enough for you, therefore, I wasn't good enough for myself.

So now, I'm declaring a comeback. I've come back to reality, I've come back to my senses, and I've come back to myself. I know better than to stick around for something that won't come around. And I know better than to be underestimated because I know my own worth. Too bad you never got to get a taste of it.

I love you,
but i love myself more.
CMDZOU